


how a face can change when a heart knows fear

by reptilianraven



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Angst, F/M, Fear of Parenthood, Fluff, Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, Ridiculous Amounts of Tenderness, THIS FIC IS NOT EGGPREG. nothing against that of course you do you but. this isnt that, all these tags but the baby is a large magical chaos egg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27877601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptilianraven/pseuds/reptilianraven
Summary: “I can see into your soul,” Chaos says, one of their hands slowly coming down in front of Zagreus. “Your desire shines loud and clear and I have come to the conclusion that fulfilling your wish for progeny would be...interesting to me.”“Master Chaos, what do you mean?” Zagreus asks, but then Chaos opens their hand slowly, and in their cavernous palm, there sits—“I am granting you a child of your own,” Chaos says, brandishing a large egg to Zagreus.-Or where a very special egg is bestowed and all of a sudden, Zagreus, Megaera, and Thanatos are going to be parents.
Relationships: Megaera/Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Megaera/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 38
Kudos: 282





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my girlfriend and i discussed megthanzag having a kid and i jokingly suggested that chaos gives them an egg and then my brain did NOT want to let go of the idea
> 
> this is set post 9th run!!! general spoilers for that but i dont really go in depth with it. brief implications of child death here and there but dont worry all deceased children go to elysium and you’ll have to kill me yourself for that to be untrue.

Zagreus can’t tell exactly when it starts. 

Maybe it starts that one time Zagreus was running through Elysium and had chanced upon Thanatos crouched down in front of a very, very young shade. Zagreus had not heard what Thanatos said to the shade, but he did see Thanatos raise a gentle hand up to the shade’s face to wipe away their tears before opening his arms for an embrace the young shade had all but rushed into. 

Maybe it starts when he sees Megaera in the lounge talking to the shade of a woman cradling her own shade baby, the both of them eternally mother and child. Zagreus did not intrude on the moment like he usually does, and instead watches Megaera smile tenderly as the infant shade takes a hold of her finger with their tiny, wispy fingers. 

Maybe it starts just a little after one of the many nights these days where he’s cuddled in between Thanatos and Megaera, warm and happy and with the love inside of him shining like molten light. Sleep finds him easily, these days, and when Zagreus sleeps, he dreams no longer of the past, but of the future. He dreams of Thanatos’ gentle demeanor, of Megaera’s strong kindness, of his own unnamed desire for something more.

He dreams of something small and beautiful and perfect.

Zagreus only figures out what exactly it is he’s thinking about a few dayornights later. He’s helping Mother in the garden, the both of them digging small holes in the ground for a few saplings set to the side, when his mind finally puts all the puzzle pieces together. 

“Huh,” Zagreus says, eyes darting to the saplings for a moment before looking up to Mother. “I think I want a child?”

“Oh!” Mother’s eyes widen as her concentration breaks for a glorious smile. “Oh, Zagreus, that’s lovely! How long have you known?”

“I don’t know, actually,” Zagreus says as he takes a small sapling and places it into the soil. “I just think that it’s been in my mind for awhile. I didn’t know what it meant for some time, but now I do. It…” In his chest, there is an odd ache. He gently touches a leaf on the sapling. “...It seems terrifying and amazing, to have and love a child. I don’t know.”

“It sounds like you’re quite new to the idea,” Mother says, a bit wry.

“I suppose I am. Haven’t quite figured out the exact shape and nature of this, yet.”

“But you want it?”

“I do,” Zagreus nods, smiling a bit. If there’s one thing Zagreus is good at, it’s knowing when he wants things. “How did you and Father know that you wanted me?”

“Oh, well you were unplanned, Zagreus. Things just happened, as they do in a marriage—”

“No details please.”

“Come now, Zagreus,” Mother raises an eyebrow mischievously. “You’re grown, you musn’t be bashful about the pleasures of the flesh—”

“I’m!—” Zagreus feels his face heat up slightly. “I’m not bashful! I just don’t want to hear about you and Father like that!”

“Would you rather hear about me and Nyx then? Because she is absolutely divine—”

 _“I would like to hear about none of your intimate experiences!”_ Zagreus chokes out.

“I’m just teasing,” Mother laughs as she ruffles Zagreus’ hair. Truly, she is where Zagreus must have gotten his chaotic personality. Mother sits back on her haunches and says, “As for your question, we didn’t know we wanted a child, quite honestly. But once it was clear that I was pregnant with you well...I cannot speak for your Father, but for me, I felt it.” She places a hand to her chest. “Inside of me, there was this intense love that bloomed. It was a love that was strange and foreign, for it was a love for somebody I hadn’t met, and yet, it was strong. I knew that I loved you, that I would work hard every day to love you in the way that you deserved.”

“It sounds beautiful,” Zagreus says, a little awed at Mother’s words.

“It was,” Mother smiles, placing a hand on Zagreus’ cheek. “It still is.”

Zagreus takes a deep breath, just so that he doesn’t cry. These days, he’s so full of love that it just wants to trickle out of him as tears.

Mother pats Zagreus’ face. “Have you told Thanatos and Megaera?”

“Er,” Zagreus says. “Not yet. I only realized the nature of my thoughts roughly five minutes ago.”

“You’ll have to tell them about it.”

“I will. It’ll certainly be...interesting.”

“And very, very important,” Mother takes ahold of a sapling and places it into a hole she had dug. With careful hands, she covers the roots with soil until the sapling is safe and secure in the ground. “Take some more time to gather your thoughts about the matter, but don’t wait too long to tell your lovers that you want this. You owe it to yourself and to them. From there, you three can discuss it. Together.”

“You’re right.” Zagreus tells her. She often always is. 

They spend the next few minutes in comfortable silence, digging holes and patting saplings into the ground. When they’re both finished, Zagreus brushes away the dirt from his hands and stands, helping Mother up. 

“I think I’m going to go for an escape run,” Zagreus says. In his mind, thoughts and wishes and fears swirl around, a confusing mess of both desire and apprehension. “You know, to think about this whole thing some more.”

“Off you go then,” Mother shoos him away fondly. “Have fun ransacking your Father’s domain!”

Zagreus laughs as he waves goodbye to her, “You know I always do!”

-

Zagreus goes about his escape run only half focused on actually putting effort in slaying enemies. The other half of his mind is thinking about how this whole conversation would play out with Thanatos and Megaera. 

How would he even start? He can’t just say “Hi, Than, Meg, I love you both very much, also I want a child.” That seems too abrupt. Not to mention that Zagreus hasn’t even thought much ahead into the logistics of such a thing. How would they go about creating a child? Meg doesn’t seem the type to want to be pregnant, and there’s her job that complicates that further and-—wait a minute, do people get maternity leave down here? He’ll have to ask about that.

Zagreus sighs as he slices through a bunch of Numbskulls. He thinks about how his two lovers would react. Than would probably teleport out of the room the moment the words are out of Zagreus’ mouth and Meg would probably grill Zagreus endlessly to see if he’s absolutely sure.

Zagreus clears the chamber of all enemies and pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s being a bit unfair, to Than and Meg right now, jumping to conclusions on their behalf. He should just tell them, like Mother said, and get through whatever comes as it comes all together. That’s the right thing to do. The good thing to do.

And yet, in Zagreus’ heart, just a flicker of fear.

He wants this. He wants this so badly, but he is afraid of what Than and Meg will think. 

The hiss of a Chaos Gate opening in front of Zagreus shakes him from his thoughts. He looks at it for a moment before shrugging to himself and descending. Master Chaos’ boons help him focus on the present, and perhaps that’s what he needs right now.

“Hello, Master Chaos,” Zagreus greets as he walks across the marble of the Primordial Realm.

“Hello, Son of Hades,” Chaos says, floating in the endless black and gazing upon him. Zagreus’ repeated trips to their realm has done quite a number on improving Chaos’ niceties. Chaos tilts their head very, very slowly. “Your mind. It seems to currently be in gentle strife.”

Zagreus laughs a little at that. “That’s one way to put my mental state, I guess.”

Chaos doesn’t say anything, but instead moves closer to the little island of marble that Zagreus is standing on. Their sheer gigantic size casts a shadow over Zagreus, and while Zagreus has never felt uncomfortable with Chaos, it does take some effort not to instinctively take a step back as Chaos lowers their large face to stare at Zagreus intently.

“Er,” Zagreus says, looking into their eyes that seem to hold all of space and time inside of them. “What are you—”

“I see now,” Chaos says, their voice reverberating through Zagreus’ entire being.

Zagreus blinks. “See what?” 

“I can see into your soul,” Chaos says, one of their hands slowly coming down in front of Zagreus. “Your desire shines loud and clear and I have come to the conclusion that fulfilling your wish for progeny would be...interesting to me.”

“Master Chaos, what do you mean?” Zagreus asks, but then Chaos opens their hand slowly, and in their cavernous palm, there sits—

“I am granting you a child of your own,” Chaos says, brandishing a large egg to Zagreus.

“You can’t mean—” Zagreus feels as if all the air in his lungs have been punched out of him. He reaches for the egg being shown to him, placing a palm against it. Its surface is the same shade of nothingness that surrounds the Primordial Realm, and yet, when Zagreus touches it, it is warm against his fingers. “This is—?”

“Indeed.”

“I can’t possibly—”

“It is rude to reject a gift, is it not?” Chaos pushes the egg towards Zagreus, and Zagreus takes it. The egg is the perfect size to be cradled in Zagreus’ arms. 

“Apologies, Master Chaos. I don’t mean any disrespect, I just.” Zagreus looks down at the odd egg in his arms. In his mind, there are a million reasons to find a way to give this back to Chaos. But in his heart, there is a love that is strange and foreign and strong “You mean that this will—hatch? Into a child?”

Chaos nods. 

Zagreus briefly wonders if Chaos knows that normal beings don’t hatch from large eggs. 

“It is time for you to return to your realm now,” Chaos tells Zagreus. “I take it you do not want to return to Tartarus?”

“Not Tartarus, yes.” Zagreus’ hold ever so slightly tightens around the egg. “Not while I have this.”

“Very well,” Chaos merely blinks, and another Gate opens. “This shall take you back to the House of Hades and no harm shall befall you or your child going through it.”

“Thank you,” Zagreus walks to the Gate. He looks up at Chaos. Words seem useless to give, but that has never stopped Zagreus from giving them anyway. “Truly. Thank you so much.”

“Your gratitude and kindness never fail to fascinate me,” Chaos says. “May this child inspire more of it in you.”

And so Zagreus goes through the gate, a child to-be in his arms.

-

The “oh gods” moment only hits when Zagreus emerges from the Pool of Styx. 

One by one, the realities of the situation crash into him. He is holding a sizeable egg in his arms. And this sizeable egg will hatch into a child. And he hasn’t had the necessary prerequisite conversation with Than and Meg yet.

Hm. 

Fuck. 

“Oh, hey Zagreus!” Hypnos floats over to where Zagreus is standing still in the Pool. “You’re here really early. What got you? The list says nothing got you? Huh! No death or anything, now that’s something I don’t see everyda—” Hypnos’ eyes trail downwards to the egg. “Whaaaaaaaat is that?”

“Uh,” Zagreus says eloquently. “Nothing?”

Hypnos opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, Zagreus dashes to his room as fast as he possibly can. 

Zagreus shuts his doors behind him—and thank gods he finally asked the Contractor to build some for his chambers—and breathes a heavy sigh of relief, hugging the large egg to his chest.

“This is going to be a mess,” Zagreus says to himself. He looks down at the egg in his arms, its inky black surface betraying nothing but a gentle warmth. The warmth of the egg echoes the growing warmth in Zagreus’ own heart. He says to the egg, “It’s not your fault, though, so don’t worry. Er, if you are already capable of worry, that is.” 

The egg, as eggs usually do, says nothing.

“Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable, yeah?” Zagreus heads to his bed and lays the egg against his pillows, arranging his covers so that it is swaddled in softness. He places a hand on the egg. “I bet that feels better than the Primordial Realm, huh? It’s a nice place, and all, but it did always strike me as unnervingly cold.”

The egg is silent, but against Zagreus’ palm, he feels just the faintest pulse of energy.

“Is that you, in there?” Zagreus smiles, wide and awed. 

Another soft pulse.

“Oh gods, you really will hatch into a child, won’t you?” Zagreus laughs breathlessly. In his heart, just like Mother said, a strange and foreign love begins to burn, bright and warm. “I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait for _everybody_ to meet you, for Than and Meg to—”

Zagreus’ words trail off as he feels that pang of fear in his heart. 

The egg pulses with intangible energy yet again, the sensation almost feeling like concern.

“It’s alright,” Zagreus caresses the egg. “Whatever happens, the three of us will work through it. That’s what love is about.”

Zagreus takes a deep breath.

“No running away,” Zagreus says. “Everything worth something needs to be faced head on.”

The egg does not say a word, but its warmth, its _life_ , is all the response Zagreus needs.

-

Thanatos and Megaera’s work schedules are, in simplest terms, an absolute disaster. 

Thanatos, thanks to the nature of his job being Death Incarnate and all that, follows no patterns or predictable shifts of any kind. When he feels the tug of a soul nearing their time, he goes, and that’s that. He has been working together more with Hypnos and Charon these days, and that’s really helped the productivity of death and given Thanatos more off time, but overall, his hours are still erratic. Megaera, at the very least, has some semblance of a work shift, but how she and her sisters decide on those work shifts seem to be through regular arguments with devastating passive aggression or just outright aggression. 

Zagreus, by virtue of his status, gets to pick his own hours, and he had asked Hypnos for help to figure out just when were the best times to do escape runs so that his breaks would coincide with his lovers. Hypnos had laid out a long scroll marked with boxes and times—a “spreadsheet” he’d proudly called it—and instructed Zagreus on the perfect schedule. 

Though even with the power of the “spreadsheet”, Zagreus still has to wait through an agonizing few hours for Thanatos and Megaera to return to the House. Usually, Zagreus would be doing an escape run now, but the mere thought of leaving the egg all alone in his room crushes him. He’ll deal with the sermon from Father about his impromptu day off later. Now, he waits.

Megaera arrives first, coming through the doors. The moment she sees Zagreus idling by the doorway, she smiles.

“Hi, Zag,” She presses a quick kiss to his lips.

That never ceases to make Zagreus smile. “Hi, Meg. How was your day?”

“Boring, actually. Didn’t get to beat your ass at all today. Where were you—” Her words stop in their tracks the moment Megaera’s gaze trails over to Zagreus’ bed where, still nestled in the covers, the egg sits peacefully.

“Zag.”

“Yeah?”

“What is tha—”

_Guh-dong._

Party’s all here then.

Thanatos materializes in a plume of smoke beside Megaera, waving hello to the both of them. “Hello—”

“Than,” Megaera says, still looking at the egg.

“Yes?”

Megaera tips his head to look over to Zagreus’ bed.

“Ah,” Thanatos says. He turns to Zagreus. “Are you taking up...falconry?”

“Er,” Zagreus says. “Not quite.”

“Zagreus,” Megaera walks over to the bed and places a hand on the egg before twitching her hand back. “What is this?”

“Okay, so,” Zagreus starts. “You have to promise that you won’t get mad at it. You can be mad at me, but not at the egg.”

Thanatos approaches the bed and lays a hand on the egg before gasping softly. “Zagreus, this is—”

“It’s a child,” Zagreus rips off the bandage. “Or, well, it’s going to hatch into a child. I don’t actually know when, Chaos wasn’t very detailed about the specifics, but. Yeah.”

Megaera and Thanatos are silent for a moment. 

“Explain,” Megaera says.

“From the beginning,” Thanatos says.

And so Zagreus does.

He tells them about his dreams, about how he’s been having gentle night visions of blurry desire for something more. He tells them about how that desire grew over time, how intense it is, how fragile. He tells them about his conversation with Mother, about how he was going to tell them about this the moment he got his thoughts together. He tells them about Chaos and their gift to Zagreus, how he didn’t plan for this but also couldn’t say no. He tells them the full story of how he wants a child and how he was given one, but he is lacking the next chapter, for it is happening right in front of his eyes. Zagreus’ lovers, seated on his bed as he speaks, looking at him with eyes that betray anger, understanding, love, but most of all, like what Zagreus feels in his own heart, there is fear. 

He tells them everything, and when he is finished, he waits for their response.

“Zag,” Megaera says, her voice wavering a bit. “I—I’m going to need some time. I need to think about this. On my own.”

“I will as well,” Thanatos says softly. “But know that I am not angry at the child. You, however...I’m still making up my mind on that.”

“That’s fair,” Zagreus nods, trying his best not to let the pain in his heart show. “You two take all the time you need.”

They both stand to leave, and Zagreus can never let them without letting them know the bright truth in his heart.

“I love you,” He says to them.

Megaera and Thanatos turn back, looking at Zagreus with gentle gazes. They both have trouble saying it back, but that’s alright. He can see it in their eyes before they turn away again and leave his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally sposed to be posted as a oneshot but then i realized 1) hm this fic is gonna be jus a lil longer than i expected it to be and 2) i want,,,,,external validation,,,if u have Thoughts leave a comment!! i love them All
> 
> title is a lyric from the song Cecilia and the Satellite by Andrew McMahon
> 
> im [actualbird](https://actualbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is eternity a repeating cycle?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings in this chapter for Hades’ Terrible Parenting. 
> 
> please note that i changed the ‘Light Angst’ tag to plain ol’ ‘Angst’. i have Realized Things about this fic….

Zagreus, after that, needs a drink. 

The thought of leaving the egg alone still pains Zagreus, so with his covers, he fashions an improvised harness that holds the egg securely against his chest. He makes a note to ask the Contractor to contact any seamstresses in the Underworld to make a proper one for him, but this will do for now. With the egg safe in the harness, Zagreus goes to the Lounge.

The Lounge is in its usual bustle of activity—shades gathered around tables talking of their mortal lives, the Head Chef at his station no doubt making something delicious, the Wretched Broker restocking her shelves—but as he enters, Zagreus notices the glances everybody subtly throws in his direction. Hypnos is not a quiet man, and no doubt news of the mysterious egg has gotten around the House. Zagreus just rolls his eyes fondly as he exchanges a hefty sum of gems to the Wretched Broker for a bottle of Ambrosia, briefly thinking that while death is inescapable, so is gossip.

He takes a seat at a table with a sigh, pouring himself a glass of Ambrosia and knocking it back quickly. The godly drink is warm as it goes down and yet Zagreus still feels the heavy chill of pain for what had just happened. 

The egg pulses with its odd, concerned energy, and Zagreus looks down, smiling sadly. 

“Child,” A familiar voice says to Zagreus, and Zagreus looks up to see Nyx standing by his side. “May I sit with you?”

“Of course,” Zagreus nods, and Nyx sits down next to him gracefully.

“I take it that this is what Hypnos had been talking about, yes?” Nyx asks, looking at the egg against Zagreus’ chest. Usually, her expression betrays nothing but a strong calmness. Now, however, Zagreus can see just the tiniest bit of a smile on Nyx’s lips as she looks at the egg. “The egg that is a child?”

“It is,” Zagreus lays a hand on the egg, stroking it absentmindedly. “How did he know it was a child?”

“Hypnos can feel anything with a soul that needs sleep,” Nyx tells him. “And your little one is deep in slumber until it hatches.”

“Huh,” Zagreus says before breathing out a humorless laugh. “I'm glad Than, Meg, and I didn’t wake them prematurely, earlier. ”

Nyx’s gaze turns sympathetic. “I saw Megaera and Thanatos leave your chambers without you. Is everything alright with you three?”

“Everything’s fine, they just need some time. To think about the whole thing. Without me.” Zagreus wants to forget about the pain in his heart, but he was never good at letting bruises be. Instead, he presses on it, sighing as he says, “I just wish I knew what they were thinking. I can only solve problems when I know what’s going on, when we can all talk about it…”

“You tend to face things head on, child,” Nyx says. “This is not a fault of yours, but it is also not a fault in Thanatos and Megaera to need space.”

“I know,” Zagreus says softly, trying to concentrate on the steady warmth of the egg instead of the chill in his heart. 

Nyx hums softly. “I can’t tell you things that aren’t mine to tell but do know that even beings like us can have trouble with the shadows of fear.”

Zagreus parses out that sentence for a moment. “Fear? Than and Meg are...afraid?”

Nyx nods. “Fear is a shadow that can be cast on all of us.”

“But what are they afraid of?” Zagreus says, at a loss. “I mean, I was afraid of what they would think, but are they afraid of...the child?”

“Like I said, those things are not my secrets to tell,” Nyx says sagely. 

Zagreus nods, understanding that if he wants to know more, he’ll have to wait for Thanatos and Megaera to be ready talking about it all. And yet, as he places a hand on the egg’s warm surface, Zagreus can’t help but wonder.

He can’t help but wonder just what kind of shadows can be cast over something so bright.

-

When Zagreus sleeps, he dreams no longer of the past, but of the future, but this dream feels like neither of those things. This dream feels like something else altogether; strange and blurry and ever shifting, images coming flitting in and out instead of clearer story flipping through the pages, leaving Zagreus treading the dream to stay afloat, to witness it all.

There are flashes of joyous familiarity for a moment; Thanatos’ gentle smile, Megaera’s soft laugh, and he sees them, and he reaches out, but he can’t. He looks down, and realizes there is something in his arms. Soft and fragile and bright, the child in his arms opens their eyes and Zagreus is filled with a love so intense he wonders why he doesn’t bleed with it right now. He looks forward, ready to catch up to Thanatos and Megaera but—

But they’re gone.

The dream shifts and bubbles like the River Styx, churning with turmoil and despair, seeping into the crevices of the dream until Zagreus can feel it pooling at his feet and rising, until Zagreus can see it—dark like shadows—rising further and further. Zagreus is alone with the child and he looks at them and they look at him while the darkness washes in.

Before the shadows engulf them both, their gazes intertwine, his and the child’s, and with eyes that are both his own and not, he sees himself looking. He sees his own eyes slowly harden with familiar acrimony and hatred and Father, I’m sorry, what did I do, why do you hate me, and the shadows rise and rise and and and—

Zagreus wakes with a gasp. 

He is in his room. The egg is safely nestled in his pillows. He is not drowning. 

Zagreus lays a hand on the egg and he feels it, the warmth.

But inside of him, there is something new. 

A shadow.

-

The next dayornight, it’s remarkably easy to find somebody to look after the egg while Zagreus goes for his escape runs, for it seems like everybody in the Underworld now knows about the egg’s existence. So are there people who want to take care of the egg? Yes. Does this make Zagreus’ life easier?

Of course not.

Zagreus stands in the Great Hall, pinching the bridge of his nose as he listens to everybody argue their case on why they are the most worthy of looking after the egg.

“I’m gonna be this kid’s uncle!” Hypnos whines, crossing his arms. “That means I should get to spend time with them! Plus, we already have a lot in common. They’re asleep for now, I can be asleep at any moment, we can bond over being unconscious!”

“R-respectfully, Mister Hypnos, but, but, but!” Dusa says, stuttering as always but with determination in her voice. “I babysat all of you as children so!!! T-that makes me! The most capable to look after the little princeling!”

“I don’t mean to invalidate your childcare experience, Miss Dusa—” Orpheus says, inexplicably invested in this conversation. “—but the child has not yet hatched, and that thus means that your experience is null and void. I, however, can sing to the unhatched child, which I’ve heard is good for children before they’re born!”

“Yaaaawn. They can’t even talk yet, you shouldn’t confuse them with music! What that kid needs is a nice chill time with his most favorite Uncle—”

“W-w-what the princeling needs is somebody who can take! Care of them!—”

“What the child needs is song to nourish their mind and soul—”

“Ha! As if anything can nourish the mind and soul better than naps!—”

“Babysitting is, uh! M-m-more than naps!—”

“There is never an age to early to begin appreciating the arts—”

“Do you think—” Zagreus mutters to a passing shade. “—That if I inch away, they just won’t notice and I can find somebody else entirely?”

The passing shade simply shrugs and floats away.

Zagreus sighs, thinking for the first time that he wished Father were here, for he would just slam his fist on his desk and bring the entire House into silence. Alas, Father is elsewhere, and Zagreus is just about to risk walking away from the bickering, when from the West Hall, Mother walks in and everybody blessedly shuts up. 

“Hello, everybody,” Mother greets kindly, walking through all of them and gently taking the egg from Zagreus’ harness. “There we go, babysitting problem solved.”

Hypnos, Dusa, and Orpheus do not argue. Only an idiot would argue against Queen Persephone. 

“Thank you, Mother,” Zagreus sighs in relief.

“You’re welcome, Zagreus,” Mother says, a wry smile on her face. She then begins shooing Zagreus away. “You go on your run now, sweetheart. Make sure to give your Father a workout up there.”

“I’ll try my very best,” Zagreus snorts, patting the egg goodbye. He says to the egg, “You be good for Mother, alright?”

The egg pulses with a soft, bright energy, and Zagreus smiles.

He smiles and he tries his best to ignore the dregs of darkness still in his mind, the image of being alone, the look of his own eyes filled with hatred. 

-

Zagreus does not want to think during this escape run. All doing that had given him last time was a heart full apprehensions, fragile and soft enough to say yes to a gift he should have given more thought and time. 

He surges through every chamber, destroying every enemy he sees, trying to lose himself to the actions of combat, but his mind, just like who he is as a whole, believes things need to be faced head on. 

His mind does not let him forget about his dream. The loneliness, the hate, it haunts Zagreus every moment he is not actively slicing through the wretches of the Underworld. He tries to will the thoughts away, but it seems the only way he can do that is by actively thinking about something else. 

So he thinks of what makes him feel safest. He thinks of Megaera and Thanatos.

As he traverses through Tartarus, Asphodel, Elysium, he keeps them in his mind, in his heart. He wonders about what it is they’re afraid of. The notion of either of them being scared of something is a concept Zagreus has trouble wrapping his head around. Afterall, they’re some of the bravest people Zagreus knows. He wonders about how he’ll be able to help them. He wants to, he always wants to, because he loves them, and he will love them no matter what baggage they bring to the table, the same way they will love him back, scars and wounds and all. 

Most of all, he wonders how their conversation will go, when they return to him.

And they will return to him. 

...Right?

He does not see Megaera or Thanatos for the entire run.

-

Zagreus pushes open the door to the Underworld he is blinded by the light. As obscured as it is by the overcast sky pouring snow onto the surface, it is still brighter than anything in the Underworld by far. 

Father, as always, is waiting for him. 

“News has gone around that I am to be a grandfather,” Father says as he looks out into the icy horizon. He turns his head just that smallest bit to look at Zagreus, an eyebrow raised. “You didn’t think it would be important to tell me beforehand, boy?”

“It was all rather unexpected actually,” Zagreus says, gripping the hilt of his blade tighter. “But can we just fight to the death already? I’d really rather not talk about the whole thing right now.”

Father huffs, it sounds almost like laughter, if it weren’t for how humorless it sounds. “It’s creeping up on you, then? The darkness of it all.”

“Do _not_ talk to me as if you know what I feel,” Zagreus snarls. 

“Then we will talk no longer,” Father turns around to face Zagreus, shrugging his cape off. It burns in the air, and Father summons his spear from the ground. “Show me how much I don’t know you!”

Now that’s what Zagreus needed to hear. 

Zagreus throws himself into battle. He slashes with his blade, dodges his Father’s attacks, dashes through away through the snow before dashing forward and toward him, landing hit after bloody hit. 

He had hoped that in the heat of the battle, his mind would let him rest, but the Fates are not kind to him. He is incapable of thinking about Megaera or Thanatos, in this situation. All he can think about his Father, about landing another blow on Father, about venting his own confusion and frustration on Father, about—

Zagreus’ own gaze filled with hatred. A gaze that is familiar, for he had seen it for years and years.

He falters, and Father spins his spear around, slicing through Zagreus’ skin and driving him into the snow. Pain laces through his body, but even that isn’t enough to banish the images of hatred from his mind. 

Zagreus stands and runs forward, channeling the thoughts in his mind into every swing of his blade. All those countless years Zagreus had spent vying for Father’s love and attention only to get nothing in return. All those years of disappointment and cruelty and anger. All those years of wondering why bleeding into the now, for Zagreus, in this moment, realizes that he still does not know why. Why Father had been like that to him.

What was his sin as a child?

What was Hades’ sin as a father?

Zagreus is alone with the child and he looks at them and they look at him. Their gazes intertwine. With eyes that are both his own and not, with eyes that are the child’s or the father’s, with Zagreus who has been a child and now is a father—

Eyes that harden with acrimony and hatred and—

Zagreus is alone—

What did I do, why do you hate me—

Is eternity a repeating cycle?—

Will Zagreus end up like—

Zagreus dashes forward and buries his entire blade through Father’s chest, and quickly as it came, he pulls it out. 

“Urgh!” Father goes down onto one knee, ichor pouring from his wounds and staining the snow. He tries to stand once again, but he can’t. Zagreus has won.

“It’s over,” Zagreus stands before him, watching him bleed. 

“You’re right, you know.” Father looks up at Zagreus, an unreadable smile on his face. “I don’t know how you feel. I’m not sure I know you at all. You’re nothing like I am.”

Zagreus heart roars with all the hurt and confusion and darkness. He can’t say it all, but he can demand one answer. He needs to. 

He says, “Tell me why you treated me the way you did. Why you never...”

“Why I never loved you?” Father huffs, dropping his head to look at the snow. “Simple. I never forgave you for dying, that first time. I never forgave you for making her leave.” 

Zagreus is silent. The shadows of fear creep in, filling his lungs. 

He’s drowning. 

He must be drowning.

“You are not like I am, Zagreus,” Father says as the River Styx’s water creeps up onto the ground, winding its way through the snow and pooling at Father’s feet, a surface of water that he begins to fall into. Right before he sinks into all of it, he finally lifts his head up and looks at Zagreus, looks him in the eye, and says. “It is my hope that you never will be.” 

Father falls into the blood and is taken, body and soul and everything in between, back home, leaving Zagreus alone.

Zagreus, alone, standing in the snow, wondering if he is to be a blueprint for another unloved child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that meg and than werent in this chapter aakfajsbfka!!! theyll be back next time, this chapter just Needed to happen first. things have to get bad before they get better,,,,
> 
> anyway, super fun that hades said that he was Like That bc zag “made persephone leave” and now zag has doubts if than and meg will come back to him!!!! //dodges bricks thrown in my direction
> 
> im [actualbird](https://actualbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!


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